More posts as I stroll down memory lane

Five years ago today we were told that Olga was in the hospital--later we discovered what an understatement that had been!

Suicide attempt

And, five years ago tomorrow we found our Nina!

Finding Nina

Pictures

As the clouds and rain have continued today, so has my "stroll down memory lane".

I've posted a few photos here:

Meeting Our Girls

Court Hearing

Farewell Party at the Orphanage

Going Home

I'm sure I'll be posting more pictures as I continue my "stroll".

Adoption Updates

It's a cloudy and rainy spring day today--perfect for some quiet reflection.

I've been sifting through old adoption-related emails, and because this time of year always takes me back to this time in 2002 when we were waiting for our girls, I've been "strolling down memory lane" and shedding a few tears!

I've decided to post the "adoption updates" here that we sent via email to friends and family back in 2002. And, for the sake of historic accuracy I've decided to post them using the actual date they were composed and sent.

I'm sure there are more that I haven't come across yet, but let's start with these:

June 9, 2002 - We've found another daughter!

July 8, 2002 - THE phone call, "...be in Russia THIS Saturday"!

August 15, 2002 - So busy since our first trip to Russia

August 27, 2002 - Our court date has been set!

Piano Competition Results

The piano competition was wonderful--so many VERY talented young men and women.

They divided the finalists into two divisions, Junior (7th & 8th grade), and Senior (9th & 10th grade). They began with the junior division and I was completely amazed! But, then, the senior division finalists played and I was blown away. Not only were they talented pianists, but they all carried themselves and conducted themselves so well.

And, of course, I was so proud of our Olga (she's the third from the right in the photo--that's her piano teacher next to her in red). Although Olga did not place in the top three (Senior division), she played her piece like we've never heard it before--several of the other piano teachers expressed their surprise that she's played only four and a half years. As a finalist, not only did she get an incredible opportunity and gain valuable experience, she was awarded a monetary prize for making it to this final stage.

This is just another example of how DH and I are "enjoying the ride" as being parents of two wonderful gifts from God--via adoption!

Piano Finalist

Today Olga competed in her second full-blown piano competition at the Senior level--she placed as one of six finalists! She played two pieces, Haydn's Sonata in E minor-Presto, and Debussy's Girl With the Flaxen Hair. We are so happy for her and very proud of the hard work she has done to reach her goal!

Next week (on my birthday) she will compete for first, second, or third place against the other five finalists. We continue to be humbled at God's great grace and favor in the lives of our girls.

A little mother in training

Ask anyone who knows our Nina and they'll tell you that she has a "heart" for service and giving--they're right! Nina and I have been working together in the church nursery and with the toddlers for about three years now, and she is clearly in her element!

From our first days together as a family while in Russia it was clear that Nina was comfortable being a "little mother". One morning while we were in Moscow on our way home to the U.S. we caught Nina on video tape informing us--in her best Russ-English--that Olga need to take a shower! This is particularly funny cause Olga didn't appear nearly as concerned about her own need for a shower at the time--little sister (not biological, mind you!) was already "taking over"!

During our early days as a family we discovered that Nina had been given the responsibility of taking care of many younger children in foster homes and the orphanage. She was a very petite eight yr. old when we adopted her--clearly too young for many of the tasks/responsibilities assigned to her. So, we soon found that we had to step in and relieve her of what was becoming a self-imposed responsibility whereever we were--at church, with friends, family, etc. Nina was a little girl who clearly had not had much opportunity to BE a little girl.

Now that she has had several years of being "relieved" of those duties, and she's now a more mature young teenager, it has been sweet to see her naturally gravitate to and prefer caring for and nurturing the younger kids around her!

It is truly one of her most endearing qualities--except for when big sister doesn't particularly need any of little sister's "nurturing"! :-)

The Piano Lesson

Today our family traveled to a college town about an hour and a half away because one of the professors offered to listen to Olga play and offer her some instruction. That in itself was a very kind and generous offer, but this young professor just happens to hold a doctorate in music, AND happens to be a Russian native! Clearly there was very little question as to whether we would accept her kind offer or not.

I've stopped being surprised at God's providence in the lives of my daughters, but I definitely continue to be humbled by it. We became aware of this professor last fall through a letter sent to Olga's and Nina's piano teacher (who has literally poured her musical life into my daughters!) inviting young students to play for her, and even attend one of her upcoming concerts. We marked our calendar and looked forward to the concert--which was a good 3-4 months away at the time.

The concert day arrived and we made quite a day of it! With a dear friend along for the adventure, Olga, Nina and I arrived on campus in the afternoon so that we could enjoy the campus, eat at a popular restaurant, and be early enough to get choice seats in the concert hall.

The concert was wonderful and ended much too quickly! We had hoped to have an opportunity to maybe catch the professor in the hall before the concert and introduce ourselves, but that didn't happen. So, with the encouragement and prodding of our dear friend, I asked a man and woman standing near the stage if they knew how we might meet the professor--who was now back stage. The woman gladly offered to help us and began to lead us back stage. Just as she was drawing the stage curtains back she casually commented that the professor was her daughter-in-law. After being introduced and warmly greeted, the professor encouraged Olga to contact her in the coming weeks so that she could arrange for Olga to play for her and receive some instruction.

All that to say this, today we had the joy of sitting in the professors office while she instructed and encouraged Olga--using the TWO Steinway baby grand pianos in her office. Yes, I'm easily impressed I suppose!

This all may seem rather dull or uneventful to some people, but you can't imagine what a thrill and encouragement it was to a young girl who just four and a half years ago not only had no home, but never received any training in music--much less the time or attention of such an accomplished young Russian-born pianist! As you can imagine, this sort of attention and encouragement would have been rare for an orphan--no matter how "accomplished".

You know, it's one thing for our daughters to be treated kindly by Americans who know them only as our daughters, but it's a very huge matter to them to be treated so kindly by a fellow-Russian, so far from "home". I am grateful that God moves in the hearts of such people to show even the simplest kindness and devote some of their precious time (the professor spent an hour and a half listening to and instructing Olga!) to encourage our two girls who have so much to give in return!

Oh yea, the fact that the professor teaches at the college where hubby and I met is just "icing on the cake". Go Pokes!

The email that changed EVERYTHING!!!

Five years ago today I received the following email (I've edited this version a bit for privacy reasons) from a friend. Little did she know that God was using her to "introduce" us to our Olga! Less than 12 hours after reading this email DH and I were anxiously gathering details and growing to love a young girl we'd never seen (not even a picture) and never met. Later in May we discovered our Nina--I'll be sharing that story in another post.

Dear Connie,

I received these emails from a friend on the (egroup) list. You know how we ache for these older children. Do you know anything about (adoption agency)? I am afraid that it would be quite a bit more $$$$ than (other adoption agency). ...Are there any lists that you are on that might have someone interested in this girl?...

Blessings,
(friend's name)

email she attached from a friend:

While we were in Russia, we met an 11 yr. old girl named Olga. She was born (date of birth). Olga is a strikingly beautiful young woman who desperately wants a family. She has dark brown hair and brown eyes. She is tall for her age. She has a deep voice for a young lady. The orphanage director described her as "very tender, shy. She is very attached to grown-ups. She is sad when she sees other children being adopted because she knows that it is rare for an older child of 11 or 12 to be adopted. She very much wants to be a part of a family. She studies well. She likes to read, sing, sew clothes for dolls. She likes to play quiet games”. We tried to find a family for this young girl, and there was a mix up... somebody told us that there was a family in the process of adopting her. When our friends returned to the orphanage in February 2002 to adopt (child's name)'s best friend, they found out that Olga had never been adopted, nor had anyone ever inquired about adopting her. (Husband) and I were crushed. Our friends videotaped Olga again. In the video she says that she likes to go to school and do homework! She said that she remembered when we came and took pictures of her and videotaped her... she said that we told her we would find her a family, and she believes that someday her family will come. In the meantime, she says, she will continue to study hard.

Our hearts break for this girl. We really want to find her a good Christian family. It will be hard for (Husband) and I to go back for (name of son they were adopting) and see Olga there, still without a family.

Please keep Olga in your prayers and help us spread the word about her. Olga is in (Russian city), and our agency is (adoption agency).

Please let me know if you are interested in hearing more about her.

Additional details provided:

Olga has probably not been placed on the data bank because of her age. But that would probably be done as soon as someone was seriously interested. That is how it was with (name of son). I am thinking that someone will have to go through (adoption agency) to adopt her. Although that is not a bad thing! Working with the American side of (adoption agency) can be frustrating sometimes...but I have to say the people they have working for them in Russia are top-notch...

I will be upfront... this is not an easy region to adopt from. It is now two trips and the 10 days is not usually waived. But in the end, it will be worth it to give Olga a family! I just know that God has a plan for this young lady's life. Please, if you know anyone who is interested in her, I have pictures and a video and some information about her.

FAQ's About Our Adoption and Our Girls

I thought I'd start this little list of FAQ's (Frequently Asked Questions) since most of them don't warrant a full post. I'll add to the list from time to time as things come to mind--please feel free to post questions in the comment thread, if it does not violate their privacy (or ours) I'll do my best to answer it!


1) Did your girls (ages 9 and 12.5 yrs. when we adopted them) know any English when you brought them home?
No, absolutely none. My husband and I started learning basic Russian in 2000 when we decided to adopt from Russia. We started with a program designed for parents adopting young children from Russia, so much of what we learned had to be adapted when it became clear that our children would be "older". Still, the basics helped a GREAT deal in those early days together--that and LOTS of charades!! :-) Ask me sometime about "etta, etta, etta..."

2) Did the girls know each other already?
Yes, they were both under the care of the same orphanage (which was actually a "shelter"). However, being 3.5 yrs. apart they had vastly different experiences, interests and friends.

3) Why did you give them American names?
We gave them "American" middle names because we understood--through other adoptive families, adoption agency officials, and our Russian translator--that most children "dreamed" of getting an "American" name . My husband and I decided that they would KEEP their given Russian first names.

We had names selected long before we made our first trip, but when we arrived on our second trip (which was when we officially adopted them) Olga asked through our translator if she could select her own middle name--with the aid of the orphanage director, she had one in mind.

We have repeatedly encouraged them to use whichever name they prefer, but for now they prefer to use their "American" names. Within our family we OFTEN use their Russian names and Russian nicknames (there are LOTS of those!!) as expressions of affection and familiarity--friends and extended family often are puzzled when we do this without even thinking!!

4) Why did you have to make TWO trips to Russia and spend FOUR weeks there?
Over the years the Russian govt. has defined and refined their adoption process. When we first began our pursuit to adopt from Russia we expected to make only one short trip to meet, adopt and bring home our child(ren). That was in the fall of 2000, and focused on a different region of Russia. By 2002 the laws/guidelines had changed and so had the region from which we hoped to adopt (that's another post in itself!).

So, we were required by the regional Russian govt. to first travel to Russia in order to meet our daughters and declare our intention/desire to adopt them. We accomplished that in a VERY FAST 7 days--whoa!

After we returned to the U.S., the Russian govt. selected a court date and told us when we could return to proceed with and finalize the adoptions. During our SECOND trip we lived in Russia for 3 weeks in order to comply with the federal and local requirements.

I must say this, it was both exciting and very challenging to be virtually cut off from our native language and culture for such a long time under such circumstances. Still, we would not trade those days for anything! Our host families (we chose to stay with Russian families and NOT in hotels) were gracious and attentive, and our translators did a great job of showing us around and giving us "history" and "cultural" lessons along the way. Not to mention that it gave our girls lots of opportunities to see sights they had never been able to enjoy.

Christmas - Olga strikes a pose!

Olga asked for leather gloves for Christmas--the bow in her hair was just an added 'bonus'!

Christmas - Nina and her beautiful smile!

I snapped this shot of Nina while she was helping Grand-dad open his Christmas gifts! She often avoids showing her big smile for the camera--I'm so glad I captured this one!

Christmas 2006

The Journey Begins

In the fall of 2000 we made the decision to actively pursue—and stop simply talking about it—adopting two infants or toddlers from Russia. At the time I had my “dream job” as the Loss Control Officer for a multi-state financial corporation—still, the longing to be a mother continued to be my constant companion. My husband was enjoying his career, as well as increasing responsibilities and opportunites to serve in our local church. We both were content with our life together—which is sometimes a dangerous place to be! Ha!

At the end of September we began the seemingly endless process of requesting and gathering the necessary paperwork that is required simply to APPLY for acceptance by an adoption agency. Just three months later, in January 2001, we had been accepted by the adoption agency that was top on our list (local agency founded by a Xian couple who had served several years in Russia as medical missionaries) and our dossier was complete and on it's way to Russia!

And so began our waiting...

Family - 2006

Boy meets Girl

We met at church while attending the same college and quickly discovered we shared a passion for studying and discussing the Bible. Through mutual interests and friends, in just a few months we become very good friends—even “best” friends.

We married less than 14 months after we met. Within three months after being married, we decided to let God “plan and grow our family according to His timing”--and He did, however He didn't use my womb!

Why Russia?

A rather smart-alek answer is, “Because that's where our daughters were!”

A shorter, but equally smart-alek, answer is, “Why not?”

And, the long answer is, there are literally thousands of orphans in the vast lands of the former Soviet Union. This is due in part to the on-going economic struggles since the collapse of the Soviet Union, and partly due to the lingering mind-set that the “state” is responsible and/or better suited to care for the children—remnants of Communist propaganda.

These children are turned out of the orphanages as young as 16, but most definitely when they turn 18. Many of the children turn to crime since they are ill-prepared to earn a living, and ill-equipped to transition from institutional living. A large number of the children turn to drug and alcohol abuse—if they haven't already embraced that prior to or during their life in the orphanage—many of the girls turn to prostitution. Sadly, the suicide rate of former orphans has been quoted to be 10%.

One significant factor in our decision to adopt from Russia was a new family who came to our church in the fall of 1999. We became acquainted with them and found that they were in the process of adopting a brother and sister from Far East Russia. They were going through a small local adoption agency that was run by a couple who had served for several years as medical missionaries in Russia—they personally had an exceptional reputation and their agency had an excellent track record. SIDENOTE: Due to increased “red tape” in their particular region of Russia, sadly we were not able to use their agency to adopt our two daughters. Still, they continued to encourage and guide us when we had to change agencies.

Welcome

Through this blog I plan to share our adoption story! I've told the story countless times--I never get tired of sharing what God has done--but to my surprise, many people are still asking to hear the story.

I hope to organize the posts in such a way that you won't have to "wade through the WHOLE story" if you're looking for a particular facet of our journey. So, please be patient with me as I post the various "chapters".

Family Vacation ~ Colorado 2006

"Locks of Love"

Through the example of other girls in our church and home school community, both of our girls decided to grow their hair as long as they could so that they could donate it to "Locks of Love".

This was a huge deal to them because not only had neither of them been given the opportunity to enjoy long hair because of the serious hygiene challenges in an orphanage/impoverished environment, it was a personal goal they could set and accomplish that would benefit someone in need--a feeling they knew all too well.

For John and I, it provided us opportunities to encourage our girls to 'wear' and appreciate their femininity (older orphan girls often become 'tough' and boyish), appreciate the physical beauty God had created in them (something neither had been told or believed prior to being adopted), and the opportunity to illustrate/live self-sacrifice for the benefit of others.

What fun we girls (including a dear family friend who is fondly referred to as "Auntie") had when we went to the salon to donate their hair! I'm thankful for the 'special' treatment this particular salon gives (FREE) their clients who are donating their hair--our girls really did get 'the works' and were pampered beyond their dreams!

Here's a shot of Nina getting her hair washed while Olga and I watch.



Nina really enjoyed the special care and attention her stylist gave her!



Nina sporting her new 'do', and the hair she donated.



Olga's turn--look at all that hair!



Olga loved having her hair long, but was excited to get a new 'do'


Here she is with her donation.



Our beautiful girls with their new 'do's'!

Bar Mitzvah - 2006

A friend of John's invited us to his son's Bar Mitzvah--complete with synagogue services, brunch, dinner, entertainment, and dancing!

I sewed each the girls a 'special' dress just for the occasion and gave them each an 'up do'--what night to remember!